The Bitter Truth

I came across this very interesting article recently about the rise in divorce among people in India:

The article starts off with "Anil Srivastav, a financier, who faced his wife in a New Delhi court for the final hearing to end their seven-year marriage and knew where to pin the blame for the breakdown." He essentially blamed his wife for being a liberated woman, not conforming to some of the Indian traditions and not preserving the Indian culture by performing pujas, wearing saris when with older members of his family and coming home early to spend time with their son since a good wife is expected to do these things.

Anil Srivastav is among many Indian men that are "reluctant to move with the times."
Subhashini Ali, a women’s rights activist, accuses men of trying to have the best of both worlds.
She says that it suits them well to continue with the old ways. "They want their wives to work because they need a second income for a glamorous lifestyle, but they hate it when she comes home late from the office, puts her career first or doesn’t grovel in front of her mother-in-law."

"The new Indian woman on the other hand is smart, has an MBA, , wears designer clothes, drives herself around town and sips chardonnay in funky bars. Increasingly economically independent, she is no longer prepared to remain in an unhappy marriage."

The new generation of women, no longer need a husband as a life insurance policy holder who will take care of her and her children for a secure and settled life. She is perfectly capable of providing for herself and children on her own; hence she is not afraid of being divorced if she is unhappy in the marraige.

Men on the other hand are having a hard time adjusting to the "new woman". They have come along seeing their moms and sisters providing and pampering them and they expect the same from their wives.

In the Indian society women who have had boyfriends in the past or divorcees are viewed as not being sacred and are expected to be pure. Women, who speak up to their in laws or husbands are looked down upon in the Indian society and are thought of as being disrespectful to them since a traditional "bahu" is expected to be docile.

Men tend to go for the "hottest girl" in their young years but they will never marry such a woman. Later on in their lives they will look down upon such girls who have had boyfriends and will settle down for a more "marriageable" girl and in doing so they are being very hypocritical - In a recent survey of men in 11 cities, 72% said they expected their brides to be virgins. Asked if they would marry a woman who admitted to having had pre-marital sex, 77% said “No”.

However, the author adds that "It is not that Indian women are abandoning all traditional notions. Most women still accept that they will probably live with their in-laws; and many would still not dream of eating before first serving their husbands." Some 78% of young people polled in a survey last year said it was “very important” for their spouses to be accepted by their families

“Women are driving the change. They are the ones questioning the old patterns and demanding change, while Indian men still want them to follow some 16th-century model of marital behaviour,” says Shobhaa De, a former “bonkbuster” author whose marriage manual, Spouse: The Truth About Marriage, is soaring up the bestsellers list.